Grace.

Gosh, I have finished my first year of university. I can’t believe it. This year has truly flown by, and whilst it has certainly been an adjustment – I have loved it. I have met people that I am sure are lifelong friends, and have fallen in love with the city of Edinburgh. I feel truly blessed. However, even with this, there have been moments that have been mixed with complete joy, but also an underlining sadness that at points has been hard to distinguish, or even understand why. I think this is a common thing, and don’t want to come across as someone who is ‘looking’ for issues in my life, but there are days that I simply wake up and do find it hard to get through the day. It is as if there is a sense of discontentment, which makes me feel worse because of how good God has been to me!

I think it is important to recognise that life can be hard. Even when we may not be facing a ‘big crisis’, there are day to day challenges that we do have. For a long time, I felt like it wasn’t okay to struggle or be sad because I felt if I couldn’t justify it, then it wasn’t really a serious thing. But, over my time at university I have learnt we have to take each day as it comes. You are allowed to have a hard day, or a bad day – as long as you don’t let it define you, and you certainly don’t ‘brew in it’ (something my Dad has taught me). I am learning that you have to take each day as it comes and deal with how you feel as it comes. Some days there may be no issues at all, but some will be harder – and this isn’t a bad thing. You just have to use what surrounds you on the harder days. This includes talking to the people that you know love you, praying and taking joy in the smaller things in life. It isn’t easy necessarily, but it helps, and creates a healthier environment for when it is hard. 

A major part of this is, is the people you spend time with. Honesty, and vulnerability is a vital part in building relationships that will help you, and love you. Recently, in some of my personal friendships, I was reminded of Gods grace, and how abundant it is. I was chatting with some pals when someone asked us to think of a specific moment where we had felt Gods grace. This took me a moment to come to terms with. Because, honestly there have been so many points in life that instead of being thankful for the grace we have been given – I have focused on the negative. My response to the question was a ‘big’ specific part of my life, and my family which was hard. And whilst it is true that Gods grace was abundant, and what helped us through, it made me think – I don’t want to only turn to the large moments in my life to remember Gods goodness or grace (not that this is necessarily a bad thing). Instead I want to try and daily appreciate Him and all He does. I want to create a lifestyle where even when I have a harder day, or I feel slightly disconnected from everything, I am reminded of Gods goodness, and what He is continuously doing in me. 

So, as I head into a new season of life, and begin to ’establish’ myself more here in Northern Ireland, I want to be more aware of Gods goodness and all He has, and does for me. I am choosing to daily come back to Him with any feelings I may have. I know it is easier to say than to do, but I thought if I have it written down it helps to hold me accountable to an extent. I am aware it will still be hard, and I will still have some rougher days, but if I can at least be rooted in what I know – rather than then what I feel – life may be a bit easier. God tells us to ’be still and know that I am God’, therefore in these moments that is what I am trying to do. When I feel a wee bit out of place, or overwhelmed with the pressures around me I want to take a step back and simply give it over to God – instead of allowing myself to get caught up in it. I serve a God who loves, and cares for His children, and whilst I have known this all my life, it seems as I grow and develop on my personal journey, I am seeing this more and more. My prayer is that you can see it too, that you feel Him close to you today, and that you are giving yourself time to feel. We have emotions for a reason, so we should feel them. The important part is acknowledging God as being good even in the sadness and the joy. He is good always.